she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
