i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
