I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
