grandma shit on top of the toilet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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