I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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