can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
