That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's never too late to be topless.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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