You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
