guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
