it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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