we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
