How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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