I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
