so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
