There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
