filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
