when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
