I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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