Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
