I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
