Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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