CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
