The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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