Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
