Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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