Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
