yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
