Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
