Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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