The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
