I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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