I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
