I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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