He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
