I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
