that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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