Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
