Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
