Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
