Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
