I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
