Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
