My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We are all done wearing pants today
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
