Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
