Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
