I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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