Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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