I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
