it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
