I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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