Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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