My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
