i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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