he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
